


AU Headcanon Crack: Sailor Seven

by Anyawen



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 007 Fest 2020, CRACK of the crackiest kind, Don't copy to another site, It was an experience, M/M, Masks, Secret Identities, Superheroes, also i'm sorry, bond in those swim trunks, i've never written crack before, team00, the AU/crossover/fusion that literally no one asked for, you know the ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25194532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anyawen/pseuds/Anyawen
Summary: Secret Agent James Bond has an even more super secret identity. And a magic pen.
Relationships: James Bond/Q, sailor seven/the masked armourer
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	AU Headcanon Crack: Sailor Seven

**Author's Note:**

> This is, without a doubt, the crackiest thing I’ve ever even _considered_ writing, and then I went and WROTE it. Apologies in advance.
> 
> Written for the 2020 007 fest, a headcanon published on AU day, it fills the AU prompt table square for 'superhero'.

Okay so.

James Bond’s day job/cover is 007, agent for Her Majesty’s secret service. This might be enough of a secret hero identity for anyone else, but not for him. Turns out he’s also got a _super_ secret _super_ hero identity.

He is Sailor Seven, a magical soldier from the old kingdom reborn and destined to save Earth from the forces of evil.

  * Possibly the ease with which he navigated his time in the Navy should have clued him in to his secret past life and his identity as Sailor Seven
  * It didn’t. A talking black cat that sneaked past his superstitions did
  * The cat, Widget, gave him a mystical watch with a magic crystal enabling him to transform into his secret identity
  * His transformation leaves him in a white sleeveless top with a blue sailor collar, and tiny, tight, white swim trunks with blue trim.
  * Of course it does. And he wears it well
  * Ahem
  * He has a team of Sailor Soldiers
    * _Alec Trevelyan is Sailor Six (analogous to Sailor Saturn, for reasons)_
    * _Eve Moneypenny is Sailor Two (analogous to Sailor Venus, because duh)_
    * _Edward Donne (Sailor One), Jack Mason (Sailor Three), Scarlett Papava (Sailor Four), Stuart Thomas (Sailor Five) make up the rest of the main squad, with Bill Timothy (Sailor Eight) and Peter Smith (Sailor Nine) also occasionally assisting in the kicking of evil’s arse_
    * _They also transform into similar outfits_
    * _(Yes, that means Eve in boyshorts is a thing. She wears it well. Obvs)_
  * He finds that the villains he deals with in his day job and the evil beings he fights as Sailor Seven share an overblown love of their own voices and will monologue for ages
  * He’s quite happy to put his talents with charm and sarcasm to work in order to bring the True Power of Loyalty and Friendship to bear in destroying the chattering nuisances
  * After his mystical watch was destroyed, the new Quartermaster gave him a special pen with similar-but-better transformative powers.
    * _It doesn’t explode_
    * _But it writes in glitter ink_
    * _Bond adores it_
  * Bond kinda digs this new Quartermaster
    * _He’s slender and dark haired, with the most amazing hazel-green eyes_
    * _The Quartermaster brings a white cat named Gizmo to work with him_
    * _He talks to the cat as though he believes it understands and he expects it to reply_
    * _Bond finds this odd behavior strangely endearing_
  * But his heart is given to the Masked Armourer
    * _A mysterious superhero who seems allied with the Sailor Soldiers, he appears at their battles wreathed in the scent of metal and steam_
    * _Slim and fit, with dark tousled curls, he has rather tragic fashion sense_
    * _His eyes are hidden behind thick half-rimmed glasses, so Sailor Seven isn’t quite sure of their color; he’s sure they’re gorgeous regardless_
    * _He is often accompanied by a pair of cats_
    * _The black one looks oddly familiar_
    * _… so does the white one_
    * _The Masked Armourer’s trademark attack is throwing radioactive lint_
    * _It’s about as effective as throwing flowers, and less effective than glitter, but it works well enough as a distraction_
  * During a fight when Sailor Seven has been knocked down, the Masked Armourer stands between him and his enemy and takes the blow meant or him
    * _His glasses are knocked off_
    * _Sailor Seven recognizes his Quartermaster_
  * Sailor Seven and the Masked Armourer, or, Bond and the Quartermaster, become a thing
  * They save the day, repeatedly, in both their day jobs and in their fight against ultimate evil. It amounts to the same thing, really
  * The cats keep trying to insist that Bond and Q establish the city kingdom of Neo-London and rule the kingdom/world/universe from there.
  * Turns out, ruling just isn’t their style
  * They leave the administrative details to M
  * And go on saving the world
  * And shagging like bunnies
  * Because have you SEEN those swim trunks?



**Author's Note:**

> Yes, obviously, it's a crack-tacular fusion with Sailor Moon. Again, I'm sorry. Also, maybe? You're welcome :D


End file.
